Thursday, July 09, 2009

A Brain Dump About Weight and Mindpower and (maybe) Menopause and Starlets and Other Issues…

…and so, if I have any male readers (other than my Oldtimer) you might want to skip this – or not – it’s up to you.

So. I was having thoughts during my morning shower about my weight. Big surprise, right? I’m stuck in this little cubicle scrubbing and shaving and exfoliating, and wishing the surfaces were a little smaller or less lumpy, or what have you. But it shouldn’t be a big surprise that I was having thoughts in the shower because that’s where I do my best thinking. Always have. I should have a waterproof tablet and pen in there.

I didn’t start out thinking about my weight and lumps and bumps exactly, although it was at the top of the old brain tube, but rather about mind over matter and I had an epiphany of sorts. And lots of other mini epiphanies, but that happens almost every morning. I think I’m going to give up on parentheses, by the way, because almost all my brain dumps are parenthetical.

I realized that when something really matters to me, when it matters enough to put my mind to it, I get it done, and it falls into place, easily. Always has. (Except this real estate deal on the NC properties – what’s going on here?) And I really have been thinking lately that I am far too heavy, I really am, but if it really mattered to me, if I thought I was gross and disgusting and unhealthy, I would fix it – in a heartbeat. So what’s behind the issues here, really?

Well, you know, I could blame some of my lack of unhappiness on being overweight on Lolo. We always do that, you know – blame the mother. And she deserves it in part, because she was always trying to fatten me up as a child. “You eat like a bird!” she’d say. “You want your thighs to touch together at the top when you stand with your ankles together.” Imagine that! Paris, Lindsay Lohan, are you listening? WOMEN aren’t supposed to be scary skinny. It isn’t supposed to look like you have a string hanging from your hem when you wear a skirt!

As an aside, I love my son-in-law for one of his frequent statements when we see a scary-skinny starlet (SSS, ok?) on TV. He shouts “give that girl a sandwich!” I tell ya, we let him stay for that reason alone, but the very fact that he is the divine Miss O’s daddy really endears him even further.

Oh. Lolo always tried to fatten me. She was very, very thin as a child and as a young woman, to the point where she got sent to a *special school* as a child, where they fed you and tried to make you gain weight! (What does that do to your self esteem, do you suppose? To be put on the short bus to gain weight.) Oh to live in that era, when Marilyn Monroe was a goddess and she wore a size 12! Or a 14! Depending on who you’re reading. But does that matter? No! She had curves and padding, and her breasts were real, and I’m sorry – are any of you guys still reading? Do you really want to go to bed with one of those SSS gals? Aren’t you afraid of breaking her? Do you maybe have deep-seated issues regarding children or young boys? Are you intimidated by real women? And why is that OUR fault, exactly?

So. I’d seen a post on the blog for Curious Sofa – go here, that had the above photo, which I've shamelessly lifted, but I do give them credit, and you really should read their blog if you are at all interested in home decor that isn't stuffy. Anyway. Don’t you love it? Other than the clever advertising ploy, of course, but look at that woman! She was PROUD of her shape. She was womanly. Go look at some Reubens paintings. What do you suppose it would take to get back to that kind of perspective? Other than getting people to stop stepping on their tongues when one of those SSSes steps out…

Because, you see, we were talking about bathing suit purchases in one of the online groups I’m part of, and the fact that if you grit your teeth and buy one that is modest but won’t have so much draping to hide the lumps and bumps that if you go in the water it will float up and cover your head and take you down, that if you are honest, you get to the beach/shore and you look around and realize that the place is loaded with REAL PEOPLE, with only a few of them looking like SSSes and they aren’t very bright – which really makes me wonder if the lack of butterfat decreases brain cells. And that begs the question I asked earlier again – guys. You really like those vapid things with the stick legs whose greatest skill in life is shopping? Oh! and everyone ought to read what Z. Budapest says on this body image thing, except I can’t remember which of her books has the statement…could it be
Goddess in the Office? (I love that one.) Or maybe Holy Book of Women’s Mysteries? Probably Grandmother Moon…or maybe not. ANYWAY…she said, and it’s TRUE…how foolish we are to think we should all be held to some image of what women are supposed to look like. We’re Americans, for pete’s sake. Some of us are descended from Amazons and some from Hungarian peasants and some from Vikings and some from Chinese laborers…well, you get the picture. How foolish are we to think we’ll all have the same body style, store our reserves in the same places? And I hope you realize that I'm not criticizing those who are naturally quite thin, I lived with the woman who epitomizes that, and we should ALL be ok with who we are and what we inherited. However, I do wonder why I inherited my shape from Hawkshaw's side of the family, rather than Lolo's... But! Body image! We can't all be the same, don't want to all be the same.

Oh, I said I might mention menopause, didn’t I? I can’t remember why that was in my brain this morning, other than it was the day to change my hormone patch. I love my hormone patch. I’m going to stay on them forever, I really am. Lolo stayed with her HRT all her life, and her end of life here had nothing to do with anything hormone or female related. She didn’t have any osteoporosis issues either, and neither do I, according to my bone scan, so thank you, HRT and butterfat, and see, that hysterectomy at age 36 didn't hurt me a bit, and I didn't continue to keep those female product companies in business single-handedly, I left that to some other poor woman whose doc wasn't as enlightened and listening as mine.

Good thing I shower alone. There’s no room in there for any more thoughts, especially with my Reubenesque figure which I think I’ll keep because I’ve seen no need to put my mind to any other kind – except when my knees hurt, but I don’t want to brain dump on that right now, ok?

Oh! And I've been wanting to ask you take Vitamin D? Do you know it's becoming an issue? Think about it, or get your levels checked next time you go to your (hopefully enlightened) doc.


MaryO said...

A simply OUTSTANDING entry, Sue. You should write bookS (and I meant that capital "S". You have that charming humor that we lost when Erma Brombeck died.

Tami @ Lemon Tree Tales said...

Great post! Too funny!

Anonymous said...

Oh man! How I wish I could adopt that attitude! And while I know my body issues are all my own, and I have absolutely no interest in being a size 0 (Can you imagine!) I still can't help but to continually be grossed out by my flub. Maybe I'm just looking for an excuse as to why I'm still single and almost 30 and that's the best I can come up with :)


Carla said...

Fantastic. You should write a book. You are wonderful.

Karen Becker said...

Sue, you are such a creative writer. Book?? Really enjoyed your musings. lol

Shashi Nayagam said...

You are a very good writer Sue and your sense of humour shows through your writing.

Norma Soulet (AZArtist) said...

Oh Sue, you are a very funny lady! Love your post. :)
Don't worry so much about your figure if the Oldtimer is happy with it!
Like my grandmother used to say, " A man likes to turn over in bed and find something substancial to hang on to, at night! " :)


Liz said...

That was quite a brain dump! I hope you took a breath in the middle. LOL! Seriously, thank you for the food for thought. I often have similar thoughts about my lumps and bumps and it's nice to know I'm not alone.

Jennifer Rose said...

My mom was the opposite, taking me to drs to get tested and ask them why I'm fat :/ and I wasn't until she started bugging me about it. I am now and am loosing weight for myself not for any one else, not to look "cool" and skinny. Its more a health issue for me rather then a beauty issue.

I am curious as to why some guys are attracted to the really really skinny women, I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder but all I can think of is how bony they are :/

No matter how much weight I lose or how fit I get I will still have hips of doom due to the hungarian blood, but I'm fine with that. makes me me :)