Past - April 25, 2023, Wake up Call

There I was, one of my favorite places on earth, doing what I love -  a mini art retreat with dear friends.  Sedona offers art, atmosphere, vistas and shopping.  It was our first full day together, and we were actually primping a bit for supply shopping, when my iPad notified me that the Ring doorbell had been rung, and there was someone waiting for a response.  In the view of my front door I could see the uniformed arm of a county deputy.

Earlier in the day I’d been notified by the Life360 app that Oldtimer had left the house.  We had an agreement as to how much he could spend daily at the casino - his favorite activity when I’m away from home.  We had installed the Life360 app, shared with my daughter’s family, several months before because I’d noticed that with Oldtimer’s love of running errands, there were times he was directionally off kilter.  Nothing severe, it basically affected which of two major streets he turned onto.

My friend was actually seated at the desk where my iPad was plugged in, and I was answering over her shoulder.  My heart plummeted.  Had there been an accident?  No, the very stern deputy told me that he needed to speak to Oldtimer.  After some back and forth, after I offered to notify the deputy when the app told me he was back home, the deputy relented and spoke to me a bit.  His news?  There had been a complaint about Oldtimer by a woman who said he was hassling her in the parking lot of our local grocery store.  She had provided the police with photos, which I agreed were his vehicle.  

The deputy and I chatted a bit; actually eight minutes according to the video. During the conversation I mentioned an upcoming medical appointment to look into Oldtimer’s memory issues.  The deputy’s total demeanor changed to one of understanding and compassion.  He even told me of the issues his family was having with a family member wandering off.  He wound down the conversation with a word of understanding and said it was a family issue and he would leave it to me to deal with.  I didn’t care for that idea, I thought a message like this would have more impact coming from an officer than from me.

You see, for many months - ok, let’s be honest, several years - our relationship had been strained.  Gradually, almost without notice, I’d gone from being adored, practically on a pedestal, to an annoyance.  I chalked it up to way more togetherness, as he’d given up daily golf about eight months prior due to worsening COPD, plus the plain old fact of the marriage passing the twenty year mark.  Add in some pain management issues due to my back problems, and his boredom with lack of physical activity, and who wouldn’t be feeling some strain?  My gut told me that it was more than that, however, and my therapist talked to me about setting behavior standards.

I passed the rest of the day in a state of shock.  I sat in a chair and shook most of the time.  I didn’t eat.  My friends gathered around and put what felt like a protective dome over me, and my therapist checked in with a video visit.  All advised me to stay put, rather than run home.  When Oldtimer returned from the casino he called, asking why the sheriff was at the door = the neighbors had told him.  I told him what had transpired.  His response was that the crazy woman actually accused him of following her in the parking lot, when all he was doing was circling the lot, waiting for a handicapped spot to open up.  And yes, when she stood near his car and accused him of following her, he called her a fat pig.  He was just looking for a parking spot.

The maps drawn by the Life360 app told a different story.